Signs Your Dojo is a Mc. Dojo. Imagine the fear: You have been training in your dojo for many years now, but a weird feeling is slowly creeping up on you, giving you that uncomfortable sensation in the pit of your stomach. You don’t really know what it is, but something is definitely wrong. As a matter of fact, going to the dojo seems harder and harder. Sure, you’re still training as usual.
And yeah, you’re still teaching classes sometimes. But it’s not the same anymore.
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You gradually start noticing things. You start seeing stuff in a new light, and day by day you realize that perhaps your sensei isn’t the “godlike” master of universe you once thought he was. Damn…Know what I mean? And then one day… a horrifying thought pops up in your head: “My dojo is a “Mc. Dojo”!”Suddenly, it’s like a weight drops off of your shoulders!
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But… is it? Really? You start to doubt yourself. You start thinking. More and more. Too much. You’re questioning it all.
Your head is spinning. You’re going crazy! So, you send an e- mail to Jesse- san. Yeah. You know, that Jesse dude over at KARATEby. Jesse. com, who, besides being irrationally good- looking, seems to enjoy answering e- mails about Karate issues from readers. Perhaps he could help?
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And indeed he answers. And he even asks his facebook fans for help. And he writes a blog post for you. This is that post.
You are reading it. Right here. Right now. Let’s go: 1. You wear multicolored uniforms.
The dojo advertises as “Non- Contact Karate”. You wear a thousand badges/patches on your gi. You are awarded black belt in 1- 2 years. Advancement to the next rank is an expense (and a hefty one at that), instead of an honorful achievement. Prospective students are required to become a member/subscribe before even trying a lesson.
Your sensei is a “grandmaster” with 7th dan or above, yet is 3. There is a “special course” that’ll get you black belt in 6 months or less. And yes, that course is super expensive.)1.
Your sensei won’t spar/fight with you because he “doesn’t want to hurt you”. Individual development and personal expression is virtually non- existant.
Instead, a strong conformist mentality is encouraged, since this inflexible mindset is what makes it easy for a sensei to rule the dojo. You are never taught bunkai (applications) to moves. If you are taught bunkai, they never work – except when your sensei does them.
Instructors wear special ‘instructor belts’ rather than regular belts reflecting their true ranking. There are many claims of being an “award winning dojo”, with little or no solid evidence to back this up. Your sensei studied marketing longer than Karate. Instructors are required to have the dojo’s decals on their car.
You never practise low kicks. There is a sign that says “Guaranteed Black Belt”.
There are 1. 1th dan, 1. Your sensei has one of those grades. Japan”. 2. 3. Your style was created by your sensei, yet it’s still “traditional” – and it has several “special advantages” over all other styles.
Oh, and most likely, the name of the style is absurdly long. There are camouflage belts. You have stripes on your belt that signify how much you have paid (rather than what rank you have)2. Gradings are fifteen minutes long. There are 7- year old black belts. The dojo sign has the words ‘traditional’, ‘commando’, ‘classical’, ‘effective’, ‘1.
Okinawan’, ‘dragon’, ‘Japanese’, ‘secret’ and ‘elite’ in the same sentence. Between belt grades you get colored tabs on your belt to denote ‘half’ or ‘quarter’ ranks. You can grade via mail order. Wearing/buying the dojo merchandize is mandatory.
Your dojo is cluttered with trophies. So cluttered that every time you take a step towards any direction in a kata, you’re actually stepping on a trophy. Speaking of kata; there are waaaay too many of them. Your grandmaster is 1. World Champion (WKITSKTFKTAF)3. You are not allowed to compete.
It is not “honorful”. You are required to compete.
It is “honorful”. Cheesy sales tactics are used to effectively bind up loyal customers (a. You are doing kata to music. If you use weapons, they glow in the dark and weigh a maximum of 3 oz. The instructor uses students as punching bags.
Movements don’t have names – they have numbers. The dojo’s web address is printed on the back of your uniform. The dojo’s phone number is printed on the back of your uniform. The instructor refuses to teach you certain techniques, because they are “too deadly”4. When in fact, the instructors is just holding you back for fear that you’ll get better than him.)4. The instructor demands respect. He doesn’t earn it.
Red gi for the grandmaster, black gi for instructors and white gi for regular students. You must pay for an entire year up front, no refunds (long- term contracts with no termination clauses). Your sensei sounds and acts like a motivational speaker.
Besides teaching Karate, your grandmaster also teaches ‘cardio kickboxing’ (or similar). Reference is repeatedly made to the notorious “street”, and what works/doesn’t work there. The dojo has an official mascot. Your sensei can’t explain the meaning of any given technique. Nobody ever fails at a grading. Kids’ classes are more games and chaos than actual Karate.
First thing that greets students when they enter the dojo? A cash register. 5.
Senior students are required to recruit new members door to door. Your dojo website doesn’t say anything about the actual style of Karate, but instead makes lot of reference to “empowerment”, “mindfulness”, “concentration” and tournament results. Time- based progression through ranks, rather than achievement- based. Your sensei has registered his fists as ‘deadly weapons’ with the local police authorities. Your grandmaster rarely teaches stuff hands- on (he has assistants for that). There are “forbidden” techniques that only certain students are taught.
You’re wearing a taekwondo uniform. Cross training is discouraged. Other schools are talked down. Kyu grade students are recruited to become instructors early on, and put in ‘accelerated learning programs’. Your grandmaster has a habit of dating students. Sensei, when will I learn my next kata?”6.
When you buy the DVD!”7. You are rarely taught philosophical concepts, strategy or theory. Doing stuff that’s “correct” is seen as more important than doing stuff that actually works. You practise harnessing your ki/chi power. Quantity is encouraged over quality – both physical and theoretical. The sensei is always right, everybody else are wrong. The style is always right, everything else is wrong.
The dojo is always right, everyplace else is wrong. Questioning the style, teacher, lineage or dojo is a big no- no. New students aren’t allowed to watch a class; “Just sign the dotted line.”7. Your sensei adds/changes/removes techniques when he feels like it. Which is basically every week. Your sensei teaches crescent kicks as disarming techniques for handguns and knives.
You train defense against baseball bats by blocking with your forearm. Your sensei invokes fear. You bow to a huge portrait of your sensei hanging on the wall.
There are “hidden” techniques in kata. When you practise self- defense, it’s always based on a scenario where your opponent steps towards you with a straight punch and then leaves his/her arm dangling in front of you as you execute 5- 1. Your sensei knows the ‘no- touch’ K. O. 8. 7. Your memory to recall techniques is tested more often than your actual skill in performing techniques. Your instructor prefers to use “grandmaster”, “master” or “sensei” rather than his real name. Both in print and person.
Showing techniques you learnt from someplace else is frowned upon. The dojo equipment can’t stand full contact use. Students scream more than they bow. If you make a mistake, it’s quickly (and often loudly) pointed out by your sensei. But when you make something correct? Crickets. 9. 3. You practise backflips._________Disclaimer: Possession of a few of these traits are not “proof” that a school is automatically a Mc. Dojo. Many legitimate martial arts schools will have some of these signs if only for the purpose of keeping the dojo in good financial standing (and in this economy, who can really blame them?).
Just like some traditional schools out there might teach crap techniques, some places that teach valuable techniques might just run their business model like a Mc. Dojo! So try to use your brain, folks. It’s not rocket surgery.
PS. Which ones did I miss? Leave a comment. PPS.
Again, thanks to all readers who helped me out on the Kb.
Dating in the digital age is all about quantity. With both the real world and dating apps to tend to, there are a lot of opportunities to meet people. Things don’t always turn out to be ideal, but it’s not until we actually meet up with someone for a date that we start to check them out and see if they’re worth keeping around. And sometimes that means we’re giving too much weight to minor red flags on a first date that actually aren’t all that bad.
Remember how on Seinfeld, Jerry was always dumping women for quirky character traits? Wearing the same clothes every day, eating peas one at a time, or thinking she got an STD from sitting on a tractor? Those are ridiculous situations, but also sort of legit reasons to not see a future with someone. They could be signs of things that could snowball into bigger signs down the road. (We’re kidding.
Kind of.)But not every minor imperfection displayed on a first date is worth writing someone off over. After all, first dates are hella stressful, and who among us is at our very best when we’re under stress and meeting someone new (and possibly getting a little drunk)? To be clear, this is *not* about settling for someone you just know in your gut you won’t be able to get along with. Your gut is usually right — so listen to it. Never, ever settle.
Hey, first dates can be nerve- wracking. If someone has a nervous laugh, that might not be their normal laugh. They could just be trying so hard to make a good impression on you that they fail. Hard. Give the Weird Laugh Date another go.
You never know — it might grow on you. Being consistently late can be a frustrating quality in a friend or partner. But mistakes happen. Also, it’s not like you guys are close enough that they could have texted you about being held up at work because of a project they’re stressing over or mistakenly taking the wrong exit on the way to the restaurant.
Forgive, forget. This only becomes a real crime when it becomes a pattern. People respond differently to social situations. It could be that they’re totally shy and showing up is a big enough challenge in and of itself. Help them out by offering up your own witty banter or admitting that you, too, find first dates terribly awkward. Ah, well, this is sort of the same thing. Some people clam up when they’re nervous.
Others try to do anything to fill what they think could be an awkward silence. Help them out by interrupting and seeing if you can get a word in. If they do it again, that’s your call to determine whether that’s what you want from a conversational partner. If they’re just straight- up Snapchatting during Wonder Woman, leave them right then and there. Keep the popcorn.) But you just met this person.
Maybe they’re expecting a certain work email they can’t miss, but they don’t want to seem weird about their career in front you, lest you judge them for that too. Maybe it’s a nervous tick — Twitter addiction is real. Maybe they asked their friend to send them a good excuse text to ditch you, just in case you turned out to be a Loud Laugher. Dinner dates can be a little aggressive for a first date. An entire meal at a restaurant leaves a lot of time for awkward shenanigans to ensure. But be compassionate: Some people feel weird eating in front of others. If they don’t finish their spaghetti bolognese, don’t make it weird.
Seriously, how embarrassing would that be if it happened to you by complete accident? Proceed with caution and kindness. Same goes with any other uncontrollable body issue, like a huge zit or sweating profusely in a crowded taco joint in the middle of July. Bodies don’t know our dating schedules.
If it’s a dinner or drinks date and they pick a place that isn’t exactly your “scene,” take it for what it’s worth. They might have been trying to impress you with something fancy or trendy. Or “playing it cool” by picking a low- key place for the same exact reason. They could just be that person in the group that’s really bad at choosing places. Make a joke if you can, or take planning into your own hands next time if it matters that much to you, and see what happens. Red flags are different for everyone, but all too often, we judge people way too quickly for things that might just be symptoms of first- date jitters or bad luck.
You know what’s going to work for you, so make your own rules. But don’t take a person off the roster for things that could be flukes. You never when you’re going to meet your person.
Types of Abuse – www. Dating abuse is a pattern of behaviors one person uses to gain and maintain power and control over their partner. Many people assume abuse means that physical violence is happening, but that’s not always the case!
Abuse comes in many forms — it’s not just physical. Explore the tabs below to learn a few of the common types of abuse so you can better identify them. Experiencing even one or two of these warning signs in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Remember, each type of abuse is serious and no one deserves to experience abuse of any kind. If you recognize any of these warning signs in your own relationship, you can always call, chat or text with a loveisrespect peer advocate. We’re here to support you!
Pexels. The dating world can be tough. Which is probably exactly why sometimes, when we think we’ve finally found someone, we can overlook some of the very common, but unexpected red flags in our romantic relationships. Of course, there is no general rule of thumb for every single relationship — and what’s a red flag for one person might be a “green flag” for someone else. And while of course there are always going to be little things that irk you about everyone (maybe the way they slurp their cereal or leave the bed unmade), there are bigger things to look for that are signs of an unhealthy, or even just unbalanced relationship. And the sooner you know how to spot them, the less likely you’ll get involved in toxic partnerships and will find a relationship that makes you truly happy. Because that’s the goal right?
So without further ado, here are some unexpected red flags to look out for in a romantic relationship. Yes, everyone loves being showered with attention now and again and romantic gestures can be absolutely lovely. But remember in Friends when Rachel gets a new job and Ross won’t stop sending flowers and barbershop quartets to her work because he’s jealous? Sometimes too much attention is a way to control a partner or overcompensation for jealousy. If they’re showing up at your job with flowers every day so all of your co- workers know you’re “taken,” you need to do a gut check to see if it’s creepy or cute. The attention can be a way to isolate you from your people, which is a major sign of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Your body will tell you when you’re in a bad or tricky situation. If you get nervous or scared to talk to your partner because they might get mad, or upset, or start yet another fight just because you don’t really want to go get sushi for the third time in a month, that’s not a good sign. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around a person, it could be a sign that you’re dealing with a major personality disorder. When you meet someone, pay attention to how they deal with stress or even minor inconveniences. Coming home to rant about their bad day at work is one thing, but taking it out on you, yelling, or slamming things to express frustration is not. Did they yell at a waiter for bringing the wrong order?
Have a temper tantrum about the dry cleaner not being able to deliver on a Sunday? Be conscious about how much drama you can handle and how dangerous it can get. Maya Angelou famously said that when people tell you who they are, listen to them. And believe it. If someone says they just got out a relationship and don’t know what they want right now from a partner, they don’t know what they want and there’s no way you’re going to convince them.
Likewise if they tell you that they’re a “mess right now.” A lot of times the red flags aren’t actually all that hard to see — we’re just good at ignoring them. If you’ve been dating for a month or two, you should have met at least one friend by now. Or at least tagged in an Instagram photo. If your new partner is all over social media, for example, and is liking, posting, tagging, and commenting all over but you’re not included in that? That’s a problem. Likewise if they keep their social life with their friends and their time with you completely separate. Check yourself and see if that sits OK with you (sometimes people prefer it that way).
When you talk to your new partner about your goals, or dreams, are they laughing at you? Belittling someone is mean and could turn into a more emotionally dangerous place for you to be in. Light teasing and chiding in good fun is one thing (if you like banter), but they should support the things that make you YOU, like your dream to climb to the top of the ladder at work, or even just your desire try out a hot yoga class. If you find that your partner is somehow never to blame, get as far away as you can. If their running late is never because the left the house ten minutes after they should have or the grocery store is “stupid” for not having their favorite granola in stock, that stuff could eventually all become your fault one day.
Every relationship is different, and so are the red flags. But if something makes you uncomfortable about a person, listen to your gut and never be afraid to make a change — even if it seems scary at first.